The Very First Conor Intelligence!

Here we are! The ground floor, the starting line, the first bite, the beginning of Conor Intelligence. Hope you enjoy it!

What’s with the name?

I was always bummed that my name didn’t rhyme with more words. Growing up with friends like Mike (Bike), Matt (Flat), and Drew (Poo), it seemed unfair that I was left with “honor” and literally nothing else. It certainly gave me some options — Conor System, Conor Roll, Congressional Medal of Conor — but the well dries up faster than you’d think.

The ingenious and embarrassingly late realization that Conor kind of sounds like “counter” was like putting ranch on pizza for the first time: groundbreaking stuff. Not just a rhyme, but a full-on prefix that could be added to all kinds of words — Conor Measures, Conor Strike, Granite Conor Tops — truly a bottomless mimosa of options.

All that to say, the name of this newsletter is not indicative of the subject matter; intelligence will not be the focus. Instead, take it for what it is: a dad joke.

Dad tips of the week

As you may or may not know, I am the father of a stunningly cute 3-year-old daughter named Cadence (we call her Cady, yes like Lindsey Lohan from Mean Girls). Thanks to flexible job hours, I’m fortunate enough to share childcare duties with my wife and no one else, which means we get to spend a lot of time with this cutie on a weekly basis!

So, I feel like imparting some weekly wisdom to my fatherly readers, aspiring and otherwise, could do some good in the world. Here are my dad tips of the week!

• Don’t spin them around more than three times. They don’t get dizzy, but you will. 😵‍💫

• Turn off your mouse and keyboard before you let them play at your desk. They will find a way to delete your Social Security number if you don’t. 🖥️

• Embrace new parent friends, even if all they want to talk about is basement renovations and fastest way through the pickup line.🤝

• Your child won’t treat themselves how you treat them. They’ll treat themselves how you treat yourself. So treat yourself well! ❤️

A sporting chance

With March Madness in the rear review mirror, the sports world enters one of its many lulls. The NBA and NHL playoffs are right around the corner, with the NFL draft right on their heels. There’s a lot of stuff that is about to happen, but not much going on right now.

The start of the MLB season is the only thing giving much life to world of sports in Chicago, and even that has been ruined by the weather. At 30 degrees, the prospect of taking in a beer, a dog, and ballgame is less enticing than drinking the still-dyed river water from St Patrick’s Day.

And I’m speaking from experience here. In 2017, my wife and I were dead-set on seeing the Cubs 2016 World Series ring reveal, and event that took place an hour before a game on a cold April afternoon. Up in the cheap seats against the gate, the frigid wind passed through us like Casper the Friendly (Confines) Ghost, and we didn’t make it past the fifth inning. Granted, this was before the pitch clock, so we had endured 3 hours of ceremonies and baseball by then.

Simply put, this section isn’t going to see much action until September, when the real action starts. NFL Football baby, Ravens Flock, CAW! 😈

I’ve been taking a new writing class, and as is often the case, the teacher wants us to read. While I’m more of a brain rot screen guy myself, a little reading never hurt anyone, so I’ve taken up Guards! Guards! by Terry Pratchett for the last few days, and it’s a riot. That British wit reminiscent of Douglas Adams comes through in the first few paragraphs, soliciting quiet giggles and full-on guffaws alike on virtually every page.

I’m a cripplingly slow reader (see: more of a brain rot screen guy), so I’ve only waded into the early waters of this one, but someone just summoned a dragon, which means I’ll likely be entering the “can’t put it down” phase any day now.

And that’s a wrap!

Well, that was the first edition of the Conor Intelligence newsletter, I hope you had a good time! The goal is to send these out weekly, so be sure to check your inboxes for more thoughts, inspirations, and musing from the barely intelligent mind of Conor Cawley.

And don’t forget to share it! The more the merrier when it comes to the cavernous corners of my cranium, and if you think this kind of thing is worthy of others’ attention, forward it, post it, screenshot it and make it your phone background, do it all!

Remember, if you want to have an awesome life, you have to try awesome things!